


Let's Chat

by AnxietyAvocado



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: F/M, Implied Relationships, M/M, Sex Education, Sex Talk, implied ships but not mentioned, the boys cringe and shigure gets a kick out of it okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxietyAvocado/pseuds/AnxietyAvocado
Summary: Sometimes, rarely, Shigure liked to act like the guardian of underaged children that he was, instead of the odd night owl who delighted in hiding from his editor and stirring the proverbial shit.Usually, when this happened, it involved embarrassing someone in some way. Exhibit A: parent teacher conferences with Mayu. Exhibit B: the time he insisted that they all sit for a Christmas pictures with Santa at the shopping center. Exhibit C: when he insisted on being a chaperone at school functions. Any of them. See appendix c1-84.And exhibit D. Giving his (barely, but still) underage wards The Talk.
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou, Kuragi Machi/Sohma Yuki, Manabe Kakeru/Sohma Yuki
Comments: 10
Kudos: 83





	Let's Chat

Sometimes, rarely, Shigure liked to act like the guardian of underaged children that he was, instead of the odd night owl who delighted in hiding from his editor and stirring the proverbial shit. 

Usually, when this happened, it involved embarrassing someone in some way. Exhibit A: parent teacher conferences with Mayu. Exhibit B: the time he insisted that they all sit for a Christmas pictures with Santa at the shopping center. Exhibit C: when he insisted on being a chaperone at school functions. Any of them. See appendix c1-84. 

And exhibit D. Giving his (barely, but still) underage wards The Talk. 

That wasn’t to say that they didn’t know a thing or two already. They had other, equally eager to be involved adults in their lives - Hatori and Kazuma for example, while Tohru had Arisa and Saki, they went to an excellent school, and there was this little thing called the internet. But, in the way that the child assumes that the adult is too old and boring to know anything, the adult also assumes that the child is too innocent (or too thick headed in  _ some  _ cases) to search this information out on their own. 

And so they had arrived at the designated Saturday morning, where all three of them were still home. Tohru was doing dishes, Yuki was reading a book, and Kyo was… well, he was supposed to be doing homework but really he was not-so-subtly watching Tohru. 

Setting his phone to the side, Shigure gave a happy hum. “Oh children, would you all gather ‘round for a moment?”

Shigure gestured at the empty side of the table across from him. The boys exchanged glances, clearly oblivious to the point of the conversation at hand. 

Both the boys were already nearby, and all it took was Kyo scooting toward the table while Tohru set down the dish she was drying and sat between the boys. They all looked at each other curiously - were they in trouble? Had Akito finally decided that Tohru couldn’t live with the Sohmas anymore? Shigure so rarely tried to act like a responsible adult that sitting like this felt a little like being lined up for a firing squad. 

“We need to have The Talk,” he announced. The capital letters were clear in his pronunciation. 

_ Oh my god is he serious?  _ The look of alarm was clear on Kyo’s face. 

Yuki’s reaction was more serene.  _ Oh for fucks sake, Shigure. Just get it over with.  _

Tohru just stared, waiting for whatever he was going to say next. Other than a slight flush to her cheeks, she had no visible reaction. 

And then, as if the boys’ minds came to the same conclusion at the same moment - Tohru was sitting  _ right next to them, and they were about to talk about highly private matters.  _ Leaning forward, they looked past her at each other, and the spark of alarm was nearly visible between them. 

“Shigure,” Yuki ground out, eyes closed as if in pain, “Do we really have to have a-  _ ahem _ , co-ed educational talk? Don’t you think it would be better if we were talked to separately?”

Kyo, for his part, just stared at Shigure as if he would like to rip him limb from limb, red faced with a vein standing out alarmingly in his forehead. 

With a considering look between the three of them, Shigure chuckled. “Well, I suppose we don’t want to scar any of you for life, now do we? Tohru, my little hummingbird, would you mind going upstairs so I can talk to the boys privately? You and I can have a little chat later.”

Immediately, Kyo was up in arms, shouting about how they couldn’t leave Shigure alone with Tohru, while it was Yuki’s turn to try and murder Shigure with his glare, and during all of that Tohru tried to placate the boys, reassuring them that she would be fine and that it would all work out perfectly well, and of course no one had anything to worry about because she trusted Shigure, which the boys loudly and quickly disagreed with. The shouting died down, though, as soon as Tohru took her book bag and went upstairs, humming to herself. 

And then, the boys were left alone. 

“Now, I pay for the internet so I know what sites you’ve been on. They send me a list every month,” Shigure said serenely. Yuki rolled his eyes while Kyo noticeably blanched and looked as though he was going to pass out.  _ Oh shit, Shigure knows. He knows. He knows what I’ve been looking up. Why the hell did I search ‘how to hold your crush’s hand without making it weird’? And for the love of god… I hope he didn’t see the ‘brunette bikini’ search... _

This did not go unnoticed by Yuki, who said, “That’s not true, you idiot. He’s trying to get a reaction out of you, which he clearly did. Besides, you should know how to wipe a browser history.”

Kyo crossed his arms and looked at the table. “Yeah, well… I do know how to. So there.”

Shigure acted as if the boys hadn’t said anything and continued. “I know that they teach you sex edcation in high school, so you should have a basic understanding of anatomy, and for your sake’s I hope they taught you how to put on a condom. If not, there are plenty of instructional videos, but please - if you’re going to borrow a banana for practice, do eat it when you’re done, don’t put it back in the bowl.

I also know that both of you are gentlemen, so I assume we don’t need to talk about consent, but as a refresher, consent is not just when clothes start to come off. If your partner, at any time, says they are uncomfortable, or want to stop, or want to slow down  _ you will listen to them and you will ensure their comfort and safety.  _ Consent also means that liquor may not be involved in any way, shape, or form, and if anything less than a clear ‘yes’ or other verbal form of agreement comes out of their mouth, then you are not to touch them. Am I clear?”

Yuki, again, rolled his eyes. Kyo thought that he was going to roll his eyes right out of his head if he kept it up. “Are we allowed to say that we’re uncomfortable and you’ll stop talking about this?”

“Sorry, but no.”

Kyo scoffed. “Fine, get it over with then.”

Leaning his elbow on the table, Shigure rest his chin in the palm of his hand. “Well, let’s see… First, if you haven’t realized, condoms  _ do  _ expire. And they can get worn out from being carried in a wallet or pocket for more than a few hours. But I’m sure you two already knew that, hmm?”

_ Well… no.  _ The pair exchanged glances guiltily. As Zodiac members, they didn’t exactly carry condoms around hoping to get lucky like most of the guys in high school, but they still should have known something like that, right? At least to tell their friends, who they were sure didn’t know either. Or to tell Haru, the only member of their family that they could think of who currently needed advice like this.

“I didn’t think so,” Shigure said smugly. 

_ This conversation might actually be worth something, _ Yuki realized.  _ Not that he planned to use whatever he learned. Well, maybe not.  _

“Furthermore,” he continued, “there is more than one kind of condom - and I don’t just mean size. There are different materials such as latex or plastic, even lambskin-”  _ That’s too weird,  _ Kyo thought, attention jolting away from Shigure,  _ considering we know the Sheep.  _ “- and lubricated and non-lubricated. Boys, do yourself and your partner a favor and buy the lubricated kind.”

It was unclear if this advice was meant for Yuki in particular, or if both boys were meant to take that to heart. Yuki, after all, looked at Kakeru with just a little too much concentration and interest to be friendly in Kyo’s opinion. Though he also looked at Machi the same way. It was hard to tell with how closed off he was. 

“But… Doesn’t her- a girl’s body do that by itself?” Kyo ground out. Judging by how red his face was and how his fists were clenched in the fabric of his sweatpants, he appeared to wish to be anywhere but here, doing anything but asking this question. 

Tilting his head in consideration, Shigure looked at him. Had the schools really not covered this? Shigure could remember his own awkward days of sex education where it was aimed more toward abstinence, but the information that he got - usually from overhearing other boys in the locker room - had led him to believe that women were more than capable of getting wet. It hadn’t been until Hatori had started medical school and ranted about the misinformation presented to them until they got to a professional level of schooling that he had really started to understand things. And then of course, with the advent of the internet… 

“Well, usually, but that can change depending on several factors, or it may not be enough..” A non-sarcastic answer?  _ Color him stunned.  _ “However, there really isn’t such a thing as too much lubrication. Not where the average female is concerned at least. It’s always better to err on the side of caution and have some lube at hand, regardless of the type of condom you buy. And after you’re married and no longer concerned with condoms, please do still buy lube. Personally I would advise against the flavored kind, especially grape-”

That was too much for both of the boys. Yuki brought his hands up to cover his ears, and started humming the theme of Mogeta rather loudly while Kyo shouted at him about what of Tohru had heard that, and what kind of thing was that to say anyway, and that neither of them wanted to know any more about Shigure’s personal life than they already did thank you very much, no matter how much he and Ayame wanted to talk about disgusting things in front of them. 

With a laugh, Shigure held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Alright, alright… I will give way graciously and move on to the next topic. 

Once you begin having sex, it is a prudent thing to get tested for sexually transmitted infections. Even though you use a condom, there is always a chance that it could break or have a tear in it, even if it is small, and if you believe that’s the case, both of you should get tested. Whenever you have sex with a new person, it’s also good to get tested, and if you even believe that you may have an infection, you should always disclose that to a partner, do you understand?

Kyo’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “But what about if you only have sex with one person? And you always use a condom?”

“Even then,” Shigure said sternly. “There are some things, like HPV, that can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, and other common infections may not always present with symptoms - especially in women in some cases - or can be passed through more than intercourse. Even coming into contact with someone’s open wound, say, if you are cleaning them up without protecting yourself, can lead to an infection. It really is wise to be tested periodically, boys.”

As Shigure paused to take a breath and think, Kyo grumbled something about how he didn’t think this would actually be useful, but no one could miss the frank appreciation for the information in his look at Shigure when he felt he could raise his eyes from the table again. 

Shigure, of course, didn’t miss the fact that he had been staring at the table like he had just been grounded for a month. “Kyo, come now, you haven’t done anything wrong! There are simply some things the school doesn’t teach you, and internet porn isn’t always the most reliable, so it’s my solemn duty as your guardian to make sure you know these things!”

“Kazuma is my guardian,” Kyo said with a huff. “You’re just the perverted dog that I happen to live with.”

“Yes, well, I’m the perverted dog who is telling you that if you plan to ever go down on someone, you’d better be tested.”

Kyo flushed to his hairline and stammered. Shigure laughed. Yuki looked at them as though he would love nothing more than to bury them in his garden and use their bodies for fertilizer. 

Suddenly, Shigure perked up (and the boys could swear that they saw his ears twitch to attention as well, the damn dog). “Oh, oral sex! This is a very important thing, boys, so pay attention.  _ If you want your partner to go down on you, then it is only fair that if they ask that you reciprocate.  _ Men who think it lessens their masculinity to perform oral sex… Well, it’s that attitude that lessens their masculinity, in my eyes. 

On a lighter note, do I need to instruct you in how to do such a thing?”

This time, it was Yuki who answered before Kyo could - mostly because Kyo looked as though he couldn’t breathe at the moment. “No, I’ve already looked it up.”

Shigure’s eyebrows disappeared under the hair hanging on his forehead. “Really? I don’t suppose the pornographic websites were all too helpful with how to… What’s the phrase?” He knew perfectly well what the phrase was, but Shigure was nothing if not dramatic. “Eat someone out?”

“I googled how to suck a dick,” Yuki said bluntly. At this point, all self-preservation had done out the window, so why not own up to it? And if it had a side effect of making Kyo look like he was dying just a little bit more, that was an added bonus. 

“Hmm. Somehow I thought that it was Tohru who had searched that on the tablet. Be a dear and clear the search history when you’re done, alright?”

Yuki shrugged, but wouldn’t make eye contact with anyone. “The tablet died before I could.”

For several moments, the trio sat in silence. Yuki tried to regain control over his tratorious voice before he could blurt out any more information to his ridiculous family than he already had, while Kyo tried not to imagine Shigure imagining Tohru looking up how to do…  _ that -  _ or really, tried not to imagine Tohru doing that at all. And all the while, Shigure looked at Yuki consideringly, wondering just who the boy had in mind, and the fact that maybe he was more like Ayame than he wanted to admit. 

Kyo shifted uncomfortably. “Can this be done now? So I can go die in peace?”

“You do know that the French called the feeling after an orgasm  _ la petite mort _ , don’t you? So when you say you want to die in peace…” Shigure wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Shut up. How the hell am I supposed to know something like that?”

“Would you like me to shut up, or would you like me to answer?”

“Not that anyone’s asking, but I for one would like this lecture to end soon,” Yuki interrupted. 

Shigure thought for a moment.  _ Consent, condoms, lube, STIs, oral sex… What else was there to cover?  _ The proverbial lightbulb went off in his head, and the resulting smile made both Kyo and Yuki look at him with no small amount of trepidation. 

“I suppose I can end on this note… People are, even somewhat, influenced by porn in their personal lives. Men think that they have to be some sort of long-lasting star who makes a woman moan in pleasure at the mere sight of his anatomy, or think that sex is only what is shown on the screen - namely intercourse or some other penatrative act. Women may believe that they have to act like the women in those same videos, and that if those things don’t actually make them feel good then it may be their fault. What you see when you watch a pornographic video isn’t reality, boys, and you should never assume it is anything close to the truth. Take your time with your partner, and communicate with them. Sex of any variety is best when you trust each other and are seeking pleasure, not performance. As long as whatever happens feels good to the both of you, then that is what matters. Keep that in mind, as it may lessen any performance anxiety.”

On that note, Shigure stood up from his seat at the table and took the long way around to the hallway, taking time to pat both Yuki and Kyo on the shoulder in his attempt at physically expressing his affection. 

The pair sat there, stunned, staring at the table. It was, maybe, the most productive conversation they had ever had with Shigure in all the time they had known him. 

“Was it just me,” Kyo said slowly, “or was that actually… Helpful?”

“It was helpful,” Yuki agreed ruefully. “Though I would be willing to assume that used up any helpful urges that Shigure may have for the next decade.”

Kyo stood up and looked around, trying to decide which exit would be the most effective. “I think… I’m going to go for a run.”

Yuki made a noise of acknowledgement and pulled out his phone, opening his conversation with Haru and typed out a message. 

_ Did you know condoms expire? And they get worn out if you keep them in your wallet? _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! All information included in this fic has been thoroughly researched and sourced from multiple places. 
> 
> Part Two (at some point) will include Tohru's version of The Talk!
> 
> I'm akitoes on tumblr, and I love Fruits Basket a little too much.


End file.
